


A Helping Hand

by SuperSaiyanHollow



Category: Bleach
Genre: Bounto Arc, Canon Compliant, Canon Related, Comforting Hitsugaya, Crying Ichigo, Drabble, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Gen, Light Angst, Mild Language, One Shot, Possibly more if you squint, Self-Hatred, Self-Reflection, Suicidal Thoughts, Written for a prompt on Tumblr, request
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-28
Updated: 2016-12-28
Packaged: 2018-09-12 20:43:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9090025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuperSaiyanHollow/pseuds/SuperSaiyanHollow
Summary: After battling Kariya, Ichigo is worn out physically and mentally. He's tormented by distressing thoughts of his own flaws. Can anyone help him?





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, everyone! Wow, back so fast! Haha, I've been a writing maniac lately. Happy New Year, guys! 
> 
> I had actually reblogged a writing meme on my blog and got this as a request. The prompt was "things you said when I was crying" for Ichigo and Hitsugaya. Perhaps it's because I'm right at the end of the Bounto Arc now and my love for Kariya Jin has been briefly invigorated, but that's when this takes place! Right after the end of the Bounto Arc, but before anything else happens! You don't really need to know of the Bounto Arc to get this fic because I would highly suggest you don't watch it, haha. The only good thing about it is Kariya~. I also chose this spot in the timeline because Hitsugaya plays a big part in that arc, so I feel like he would be more willing to confront Ichigo then. I had a lot of fun writing this (especially since I got to get out some of my Kariya feelings) and I hope to do some more stuff like this in the future!
> 
> On with the show~
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach nor do I own any of its characters. I make no profit from this fic.

It was a cool night in the Seireitei. A light breeze rustled his hair as the stars glistened away high above in the dark sky. He had needed to be alone. He wasn’t a very social creature. Being around people drained him and he had had plenty of that in the last few days. Scratch that. The last few  _ months _ . He had been surrounded by people constantly. New faces seemed to appear almost every day. Ever since he became a Shinigami it was like his life was set to fast forward. Something just kept coming up and up. First, it had been his duties as a substitute Shinigami, then Rukia’s execution, the Bounto, and now Seireitei felt threatened by Aizen, the captain he had took up arms against after rescuing Rukia. Apparently, the former 5th Squad Captain had fled to Hueco Mundo. His intentions were unknown, but everyone knew he meant trouble. It was just another battle for him to struggle through, another test of his soul that was steadily growing thin.

Perhaps it was the stress getting to him or the fact that he hadn’t had a break in so long, but Ichigo Kurosaki, Ryoka turned stubborn, powerful ally, was tired.  _ Exhausted _ . He had felt this way since after Rukia’s execution. He had just been bumbling through the Bounto conflicts, which is probably why he had utterly failed so much. His resolve was wavering, determination cracking. He wanted a break. A chance to be a normal, high school student again, but he doubted that was ever going to happen. He had chosen this lifestyle and now he had to live with it, yet he couldn’t keep going at it like this! He was going to run himself ragged by the time Aizen even made a goddamn move!

He sighed heavily as he rested his face in the palm of his hand. The world around him was quiet, the silence almost  _ deafening _ . He had come out here for some peace of mind, but everything was getting to him out here on the deck of a random squad building. His thoughts were racing and there was nothing to distract him from them. Out here, it was cold and dark like the innermost parts of his mind that bellowed and hissed out insecurities. He was weak for not being able to take out Aizen when he had the chance. He was stupid for letting his inner hollow have control over him. He was immoral for killing Kariya. The list went on and on. He couldn’t stop the incessant thoughts, the swirling whirlwind built up in his head. His skin tingled, a pricking sensation crawling up the back of his neck. His nails dug into his face lightly, not hard enough to hurt but enough to leave indents. He just wanted this all to  _ stop _ .

Maybe it was the fact that he still felt so guilty over killing Kariya. Kariya was really the first person he had  _ killed _ . All the rest had been hollows. He hadn’t killed anybody when he had rescued Rukia, although his resolve had been to do so. No, Kariya was the first person he killed, which made him a  _ murderer _ . Ichigo Kurosaki,  _ murderer _ . It didn’t taste right on his tongue. It made him sick to his stomach. He had taken another being’s life. Granted, Kariya had been evil. He had been trying to destroy the Seireitei, but did that really justify his death? He had witnessed so much trauma in his life before, and at that point in time, he had been the last of his species. He had been wronged by the Seireitei and sought revenge. Anyone in his situation would have done the same. He hadn’t deserved to die! He could have been reasoned with. Maybe they could have made more Bounto, but he-

_ “Kariya!” _

_ He flew at him, grip tight on Zangetsu. Filled with determination, a desire to kill the last of the Bounto. He hadn’t hesitated. A single slash of his mighty zanpakuto. He had given it his all. _

And, now he paid the price. His chest was unbearably tight. His breathing was shallow. The hand on his face was squeezing tightly, a pressure applied to his temples that hurt, but he fucking deserved it. He  _ deserved  _ it. Kariya didn’t. Stupid, stupid, stupid! His face was burning despite the frigid, night air. Nuzzling his forehead into his palm, his let out a shaky breath. He felt something wet on his hand, and he shook his head. He was  _ crying _ . What a brave Shinigami he was. What a vicious murderer he was! Crying after a kill. What blasphemy. He couldn’t even get being a murderer down right.

He had been so busy wallowing in his own sorrow that he hadn’t noticed the other person approaching him.

Toshiro Hitsugaya knew when something was wrong. He could feel it in the way the boy’s reiatsu pulsed, the gentle ripples of a troubled soul. He had always been particularly good at reading people; it seemed like this time was no different. He wasn’t close to Kurosaki, but none of the boy’s friends had seemed to notice his downtrodden demeanor. It had been visible in the way his smile wasn’t as big, the way his eyes didn’t sparkle, and the way his face was downcast more than usual. Toshiro was worried about the Shinigami. He understood how difficult it was to accept yourself into a new niche of society, to have new responsibilities and duties. He had made his choice willingly; he couldn’t say the same for Kurosaki.

As he drew closer, he was able to see more details of the boy’s figure outlined in the crystalline moonlight. He exhaled harshly at what he did see. Never before had he seen Kurosaki’s face so  _ wrinkled _ . The boy was clearly distraught, his palm covering his eyes, but Toshiro had a hunch he was crying, call it a gut feeling. When he was finally close enough he saw that the boy was, in fact, sobbing. He sniffled every so often, a gentle shaking of his shoulders. Toshiro remained cool and composed. He didn’t want to appear shocked. Right now, Kurosaki needed stability in order to calm his own raging storm within.

“What’s wrong, kid?” he asked as he took a seat beside the other. He called the other kid on purpose, knowing it would elicit some sort of reaction from him.

Ichigo stiffened when he heard a familiar voice. He couldn’t quite place it. He was too embarrassed to look. He had been caught crying by himself. How pathetic. He wasn’t cut out for being a Shinigami. They should have killed him when they had the chance. Maneuvering his hand, he managed to wipe his eyes with the back of it before gazing at his unexpected visitor. It was the 10th Squad Captain, Toshiro. Well, at least it wasn’t one of the gang who had found him like this. He’d never be able to face them again.

“Who are you calling ‘kid’? Isn’t that my line?” Kurosaki said hoarsely. It was his attempt at making things less awkward, his own insulting joke tossed at Toshiro to test out the waters, but there was no passion behind it. Uttered more like a statement, Toshiro couldn’t even work up mock fury. Kurosaki was just too pitiful.

“Perhaps...So, what’s got everybody’s favorite substitute down?” Toshiro was never one to beat around the bush. If he saw a problem, he confronted it.

He stayed quiet for a moment. He didn’t want to open up to Toshiro, to lay all his problems out by the other’s feet and nag at him to fix them. He was fifteen years old. He should be able to handle his own issues. He didn’t need help from anybody especially from an acquaintance. He was about to state this, maybe even tell Toshiro to go fuck himself because he just  _ felt  _ like it right now when the other spoke again. 

“Y’know, everybody needs help sometimes. You should know that better than anybody. But, I guess you’re always the one helping, so you never get any in return, right?”

Ichigo’s retort died instantly on his tongue. Toshiro hit the nail on the head, hadn’t he? He had been running around this whole time helping anyone and anything he had come across, but he had never asked for help for himself now had he? He really was a fool. Why was he sitting out here all by himself, drowning in self-depreciation, when there was literally a crowd of people out there willing to help him? He had put his life on the line for pretty much all of them. The least they could do was listen to him.

Toshiro shrugged his shoulders. He hadn’t really expected Kurosaki to open up to him. The two of them weren’t close at all, but he had had a glimmer of hope that just  _ maybe  _ he could pry some of the other’s malevolent thoughts out of his carrot top head. It looked like today wasn’t the day, but perhaps some time in the future he could be there for the boy. Toshiro stood, back to Kurosaki, and went to walk away.

Ichigo watched him depart, an empty pang in his chest. He was just going to leave after that? He really was pathetic. Too pathetic for anyone to-

“Are you coming or what?” 

He looked back up at Toshiro, brown eyes shining from where he had been crying.

“Let’s go back to your friends. Maybe you can talk with one of them, maybe not. Whatever the case may be, I won’t allow you to just sit there and cry over yourself. Everybody’s here for you, Kurosaki, even me. If you need me to be your helping hand, I’ll gladly assume that role.”

He froze for moment, soaking in the other’s words. That did sound  _ nice _ . Slowly, he nodded, wiping the excess tears from his face. He didn’t want anyone else to see his weakness. What Toshiro said, what he  _ offered _ , was something no one had ever really done for him before. He always had his family and friends, but he mainly kept to himself. It seemed like he was afraid of showing them his weaknesses, his flaws, since they held him in such a high regard. Now that he knew he had someone on his side, someone who didn’t care that he had been crying over himself, that he was  _ weak _ , he might even take him up on that offer.

“Thank  you,” he mumbled, still not trusting his voice.

Toshiro didn’t even look back at him. He pressed forward, stride confident, seeming to move past every obstacle in his way, something Ichigo aspired to do. “No problem.”

**Author's Note:**

> There you have it! I wasn't even sure what to tag this since it wasn't sexual at all, but hopefully I did it justice. I hope someone can get some enjoyment out of this! I might write something else revolving around Kariya soon. I'll be watching that end fight and oh god my feels. I swear nothing good came out of that arc, but this man. 
> 
> If you'd like something similar to this or you'd like to see me fulfill a prompt for you, then send me a message on my Tumblr!
> 
> My tumblr is yaoiobsessedwrites. It is labeled as an 18+ blog simply because I do reblog NSFW posts, so if you have trouble finding it on mobile that's why. Feel free to message me on my Tumblr! I'm always willing to talk to people about pretty much anything. You can also send me prompts or ask questions! I promise I'm not scary! I also take drabble requests, so just send me a message and I'd be happy to write you something!
> 
> I do have FanFiction account as well. It's under the same penname. Some of the fics on there are pretty old though, so here's your warning!
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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